File under: name for future rock band

Not that I have any musical talent whatsoever. But just in case ...

This afternoon I finished an advance reader's copy of Tom Bissell's The Father of All Things. It was an interesting mix of memoir, travelogue, and history of the Vietnam War. The history part was a bit dense sometimes (my knowledge of the whole conflict is sadly sparse, but I had a hard time slogging through some of the passages about events and people I was genuinely interested in learning about), but I enjoyed the book on the whole.

However, I got a tremendous kick out of one detail left unfinished by the publisher (my copy was just galley proofs after all): at the top of all of the right-hand pages of the final section of the book were the words "Content-Driven Running Head." I cannot overemphasize how much I like that phrase.

Disoriented

Today marked the beginning of new student orientation at my college. For a commuter school, they go all out--the students have three full days of this stuff, and there's a full day of parent orientation as well, although I'm not sure how well attended that is, since it's on a Wednesday.

Here is a timeline of my orientation experience:

Several weeks ago: The official schedule goes. I am presenting to half the students on Tuesday (they're divided up into groups and follow different itineraries) and the other half on Thursday. The interesting part was that the presentations are supposed to take place in the library, which is roughly the size of my living room/dining room. (Did I mention each group is around 50 students?) And the library doesn't have a screen or projector, although I have been told to prepare a PowerPoint. My game plan is to stand on my desk and point at things, which honestly I am actually pretty okay with.

Last Tuesday or Wednesday: I am notified that the schedule has been modified and I will now be giving my presentation on Monday, to three different groups rather than two, and in classrooms with the appropriate technology. I cancel my registration for the meeting I had planned to attend that day, put together a PowerPoint, and make up a handout. I also am able to get into the classrooms and test the projector, etc., so I won't have technical difficulties. I am not able to check the setup in the gallery.

7:30 this morning: I arrive and am told that one of the three group leaders is out because her son is sick, so instead I will be giving my presentation to two groups, one small (in a classroom) and one large (in our gallery).

8:30 a.m.: I drag my boss to the gallery because he had promised to show me how to use the projector and still hasn't. It is a pretty straightforward setup except that what is on the laptop is not showing up on the screen. My boss says not to worry about this trivial fact; the presenters before me will be using the laptop/projector combo and everything will be in working order when I arrive. I also visit the classroom for a second time when I discover that the group leader is using her own laptop instead of the classroom laptop I tested last week.

9:00 a.m.: I print out a copy of my handout but don't want to waste my desktop printer/copier ink on another 100 copies. The bulk copier in the library requires money or a bypass card. I go to the facilities manager for a card. The cards are locked in his desk drawer, the key for which is in the pants he wore on Friday, which are at his house.

9:30 a.m.: I attempt to make copies on the admin office copier, but despite the fact that the machine appears to be making copies, no actual copies emerge. I consult the registrar, who also can't figure out the problem. I mention this to the facilities manager, who immediately picks up the phone and makes an emergency service call.

11:00 a.m.: Still without handouts, I get the career services coordinator to let me use her copier. It jams when I try to make double-sided copies, so I do them single-sided instead. We chat while the copies were being made, and she mentions the code that was required to make copies in the admin office. This is news to me. I make a hasty retreat to the facilities manager to let him know that the emergency service call may have been a bit premature.

11:45 a.m.: Presentation #1 (classroom). I launch into my PowerPoint like a pro. Then I go to click to the next slide and realize that the wireless mouse used for this purpose (because the laptop cart is conveniently located across the room) does not communicate with the group leader's laptop. So I talk and she clicks through the slides, which is not as disjointed as it could be.

12:05 p.m.: Presentation #2 (gallery). I get set up on the laptop easily and turn to the screen. Still not recognizing the laptop. Quoth the group leader, "I know nothing about technology stuff." Luckily I have notes and just gave the entire presentation five minutes ago. I stand next to the podium, in front of the blank screen, and rattle off the contents of my slides. No one visibly falls asleep.

And this was just orientation. I'm afraid to see what kind of technical difficulties the actual semester may bring. Next time, though, I'm making my copies a week in advance.

"Is she crying again?"

Well, we finally got my brother married off. I know I feel better now that he's no longer living in sin. I'd feel even better if I was the one finishing up 12 days on the beach in Hawaii, but what can you do? After the last few months it seems like we all did enough work to merit a vacation.

Thank God I only have one sibling. I don't know that I could survive another wedding. Not even because of all the planning-related crap, but for the emotional roller-coaster. Maybe it was the raging PMS (now with crippling depression!), but I was a blubbering idiot. The sisters of the bride, who didn't seem to so much as tear up while watching their baby sister say her vows, kept laughing and saying, "Is she crying again?" Cold-hearted bitches.

It might be the fact that he's my only brother. And my little brother. I did all right during the ceremony, up until we all had to stand on the altar during their vows. Since I was on the bride's side, I faced my brother. No one in the crazy, cavernous church could see him smiling or hear him murmuring the vows, but I could. It was hard to reconcile the guy up there with the one who I engaged in regular fistfights with not all that long ago.

At the reception, one of the sisters had put together a slide show of pictures of the bride and groom throughout their lives. Compliments of my mom, the majority of his childhood pictures were just him and me. That's the thing that got me, I think. We grew up together, you know?

I think I come by the whole crying thing honestly, though. As I was preparing to unleash the waterworks again for the mother-son dance (for Christ's sake, she chose "Through the Years"! I ask you, could you stay dry-eyed?), M. Defarge directed me to my dad, who was hiding out in the corner, almost sobbing. So we both cried. We're that kind of family, I guess.

By the way, the song they chose for their first dance was "Into the Mystic." Not the Van Morrison version, unfortunately--apparently Jakob Dylan covered it. But still. I was so proud.