This week's signs of the impending apocalypse

Chess team member attacks teacher at our alma mater.

Heath Ledger--not just dead, naked and dead. (Okay, they seem to have edited the stories since yesterday, but did the news outlets all have to lead with the nudity? Give the man a break. And how the hell are his autopsy results already available? When my aunt died last year, we waited a month. A month.)

Montrose Avenue swallowed by giant sinkhole.

Hell (a.k.a. Chicago) to freeze over tonight.

And, most unbelievable of all, my mother apparently is telling her coworkers that she fully expects me to be pregnant by this summer. What the hell?