Wait--what was I thinking?
Today is the one-year anniversary of my abrupt departure from the publishing world. In a lot of ways, it feels like much longer than a year. Having two part-time jobs (and finishing school and doing the internship) seemed like a good idea and probably salvaged my mental health, but now I would really like one full-time job and a vacation, thank you very much.
On Monday, probably in part because I had worked the entire weekend and in part because of an elderly man who was both hard of hearing and trying to find a specific episode of Walker Texas Ranger, without any information other than a very basic plot summary, I had a momentary epiphany along the lines of "I cannot work with the public. I do not belong in this profession. I have just wasted two years and a lot of money." After a few days of reflection and couple of hours off here and there, I've backed off slightly, but I'm still concerned. What if the last two years were just another in a long line of spectacularly bad career moves?
Yesterday I had an interview at a university 36 miles west of my house, for a part-time job whose hours are 5:30-10:30 p.m. I think even the interviewers wondered what the hell I was thinking. It was kind of a strange conversation anyway; I think if they do offer me the job, it'll be because one of the interviewers semi-remembered me from my book-shelving days at the hometown library. That was kind of fun, but I don't think it'd make the hours or commute worthwhile, especially on days like this past Tuesday, when we got a foot of snow and all travel was essentially halted.
There have been a couple of recent job postings for full-time librarians at Chicago universities, so it's possible that one of those will work out, but I'm starting to wonder if I should reassess my career goals. I haven't applied for anything in the public library sector because I just don't think it's for me, but now I'm looking at museums, nonprofits, stuff like that. The problem there being that usually there's only one or two people in those libraries, and not a ton of turnover. But who ever said I was practical?
There's always publishing again, but now I'd have to explain what I was doing for the past year, and God knows I can't turn to my most recent employer for a reference, since I'm guessing my picture is pinned to a dartboard in my former supervisor's office.
Maybe I should have a baby. That'd kill some time.
On Monday, probably in part because I had worked the entire weekend and in part because of an elderly man who was both hard of hearing and trying to find a specific episode of Walker Texas Ranger, without any information other than a very basic plot summary, I had a momentary epiphany along the lines of "I cannot work with the public. I do not belong in this profession. I have just wasted two years and a lot of money." After a few days of reflection and couple of hours off here and there, I've backed off slightly, but I'm still concerned. What if the last two years were just another in a long line of spectacularly bad career moves?
Yesterday I had an interview at a university 36 miles west of my house, for a part-time job whose hours are 5:30-10:30 p.m. I think even the interviewers wondered what the hell I was thinking. It was kind of a strange conversation anyway; I think if they do offer me the job, it'll be because one of the interviewers semi-remembered me from my book-shelving days at the hometown library. That was kind of fun, but I don't think it'd make the hours or commute worthwhile, especially on days like this past Tuesday, when we got a foot of snow and all travel was essentially halted.
There have been a couple of recent job postings for full-time librarians at Chicago universities, so it's possible that one of those will work out, but I'm starting to wonder if I should reassess my career goals. I haven't applied for anything in the public library sector because I just don't think it's for me, but now I'm looking at museums, nonprofits, stuff like that. The problem there being that usually there's only one or two people in those libraries, and not a ton of turnover. But who ever said I was practical?
There's always publishing again, but now I'd have to explain what I was doing for the past year, and God knows I can't turn to my most recent employer for a reference, since I'm guessing my picture is pinned to a dartboard in my former supervisor's office.
Maybe I should have a baby. That'd kill some time.
posted by Madame Defarge at 12:36 PM
1 Comments:
I’ve spent the last week talking with my students how weather is a reflection of a character’s emotions. They were having trouble grasping the concept as we’ve been reading Jane Eyre and Gatsby.
Today I drove to work in the pouring rain, after only getting two hours sleep because I was up late planning, believing all along that my extra effort was a futile attempt to gain the interest of an apathetic audience. I got to work late, and nearly got into an accident. The kids were outside soaking wet waiting for me, giving me a hard time. This morning I had never been more certain that I had to get out of teaching to preserve my sanity. But something happened during the day. I don’t know if it was because I let my expectations completely subside, or I was just too tired to worry, but I had the best day I’ve had in a long time. The kids were responsive, I was jovial, and we’ve had some of the best discussion on literature we’ve had all year long. They actually seemed really excited about the material, and I felt like I was doing a good job. I can’t believe it was merely a coincidence that around 3 o’clock the rain had stopped, and the sun came out and illuminated the Sierra Nevadas on my drive home on highway 50. I could see the houses on the foothills and the snow on the mountains. It’s rarely so clear. I have never been more sure of wanting to be a teacher.
I also began thinking about your blog on the way home. Even for all the bullshit I have to put up with, and the fact that the planning stresses me out, the kids aren’t ideal, nor the location, nor the administrators, I still know this is the profession I love, the one I’m willing to better myself for, the one I see myself one day being great at. For as long as I can handle it, this is what I’ll do. So I guess the question in that is even though it’s hard to find work at an academic library, is it still what you would like to do? If finding a job weren’t the issue, where would you like to be? Would it be working as a librarian, or in publishing? The museum and non-profit stuff might be a happy medium…
I almost spit out my ginger ale when I read the line about the baby. I think I hadn’t realized the depths of your desperation until that point. Let me know how that one turns out. ;-)
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