Crazy patron roundup
One of the hazards of working at two different libraries is the tendency to mix up the crazy patrons at the respective institutions. I worked this weekend at my reader's advisory job and spent the whole time cringing every time someone approached the desk because I was expecting it to be Dead Celebrity Guy, who lives 15 miles away and, God willing, does not have a car.
Not to worry, though. It's not a library without crazy or at least really strange people, so I didn't go through withdrawal. Yesterday afternoon alone I was verbally abused by a Serbian woman looking for CSL materials (that would be Croatian as a second language) and books in Serbian or Croatian. Not surprisingly, we don't have much of that stuff, and neither do many other libraries in the state, let alone the country. Apparently she thought that leaning over the desk toward me and talking at the top of her lungs would make them appear; sadly, no.
Not long after she left, someone stopped in to inquire about renting a meeting room -- not an unusual question, and I was more than happy to answer it. She chose the moment I said "May I help you?" to remove her sweater, affording me a full view of her obviously never-shaved underarms. Then, after I had showed her the meeting room section of our website, which includes floor plans and seating capacity information, she asked me to give her a tour of one of the rooms, during which she measured them using some sort of giant-steps-across-the-room scale. Not sure what she wanted the room for, but she did let slip that it's something that doesn't involve chairs.
Today I was back at my reference job and once again convinced that a visit from Dead Celebrity Guy was impending. Wrong again. Instead I spent the morning shuttling back and forth between two new mentally handicapped patrons who have adopted me. I'm not sure if they're relatives or friends or roommates, but they always come in together to use the computers. He's meticulously groomed and generally pleasant, and he always wants the same thing -- dating services on the Internet. Getting him there can be quite the process, and I'm not sure he knows what to do once he's on the sites, because he seems to click through a few pages and then tell me he'll be back tomorrow to finish them. She is on the opposite end of the grooming spectrum and has an alarming amount of facial stubble. She's somewhat more computer literate, though; today I helped her access the Build-A-Bear Workshop website (she wanted to buy clothes), but when her session ran out, I noticed she was able to get back there without a problem.
Neither of them is that much trouble, and their questions are generally easy to answer. You can tell I'm getting to the end of my three-weeks-straight schedule, though, because I was almost homicidal by the time I got them where they wanted to be. Thankfully my weekend off for October is imminent. I'm going to St. Louis for much eating, drinking, and shopping. With luck, I'll morph back into semi-friendly library assistant by next week.
Not to worry, though. It's not a library without crazy or at least really strange people, so I didn't go through withdrawal. Yesterday afternoon alone I was verbally abused by a Serbian woman looking for CSL materials (that would be Croatian as a second language) and books in Serbian or Croatian. Not surprisingly, we don't have much of that stuff, and neither do many other libraries in the state, let alone the country. Apparently she thought that leaning over the desk toward me and talking at the top of her lungs would make them appear; sadly, no.
Not long after she left, someone stopped in to inquire about renting a meeting room -- not an unusual question, and I was more than happy to answer it. She chose the moment I said "May I help you?" to remove her sweater, affording me a full view of her obviously never-shaved underarms. Then, after I had showed her the meeting room section of our website, which includes floor plans and seating capacity information, she asked me to give her a tour of one of the rooms, during which she measured them using some sort of giant-steps-across-the-room scale. Not sure what she wanted the room for, but she did let slip that it's something that doesn't involve chairs.
Today I was back at my reference job and once again convinced that a visit from Dead Celebrity Guy was impending. Wrong again. Instead I spent the morning shuttling back and forth between two new mentally handicapped patrons who have adopted me. I'm not sure if they're relatives or friends or roommates, but they always come in together to use the computers. He's meticulously groomed and generally pleasant, and he always wants the same thing -- dating services on the Internet. Getting him there can be quite the process, and I'm not sure he knows what to do once he's on the sites, because he seems to click through a few pages and then tell me he'll be back tomorrow to finish them. She is on the opposite end of the grooming spectrum and has an alarming amount of facial stubble. She's somewhat more computer literate, though; today I helped her access the Build-A-Bear Workshop website (she wanted to buy clothes), but when her session ran out, I noticed she was able to get back there without a problem.
Neither of them is that much trouble, and their questions are generally easy to answer. You can tell I'm getting to the end of my three-weeks-straight schedule, though, because I was almost homicidal by the time I got them where they wanted to be. Thankfully my weekend off for October is imminent. I'm going to St. Louis for much eating, drinking, and shopping. With luck, I'll morph back into semi-friendly library assistant by next week.
posted by Madame Defarge at 6:03 PM
2 Comments:
I just love the crazy patron stories. However, maybe you should consider carrying mace with you just in case.
So you're heading to St. Louis of your own volition? I thought you had sworn that place off? Didn't they vote for a dead guy down there?
Any updates on the wedding?
I've been utterly mortified over politics lately, much in the same way one can't take their eyes off a car wreck. With the Florida senator scandal, how can Republicans still maintain they have the monopoly on morals and family values? Are they fucking schizos? If Hastert is forced to resign I'll be dancing all night long. Bastards. I wish I had the time to read Woodward's new book, but I'm still up to my neck in lesson plans and homework. I may have to put it on my Christmas list all the same. And we just got our voting pamphlets in the mail and they're thicker than the freakin phone book. Once more there are a ton of propositions to go over, but I think it's safe to say that if Chevron or PG&E is for it, I'm against it.
We went to San Fran this weekend and we decided we wouldn't make any plans, just buy a bus ticket and take it wherever we felt like going. We got off in Chinatown and wandered into a Chinese herb store. It was so cool. These two old Chinese men were behind this dusty old counter, with a huge wall of apothecary drawers on the wall behind them. They pulled out each drawer, measured the different herbs on this old fashioned scale, wrapped them in brown paper and tallied up the total on an abacus. I kid you not, a fucking abacus. It was awesome. Then we went tea tasting at a Chinese tea bar. It was a fun day.
I watched the Oprah show on bras last week. Apparently it was a huge deal, because everybody in my department was talking about it. Even Tony, the gay drama teacher. So I had to Tivo it. It turns out i'm one of the 80% of women who never really knew their true size. I went to Nordtstroms, told the lady I was a 36 C and she said, "Sweetie, everybody is." I then found out I'm actually a 34 E. A 34 fucking E. I'm a god damn stripper for chrissake. I will say, however, that my tits are looking much perkier these days. Who knew what support could do for you? (you are the only one who reads this, right?)
Anyway, aside from boobs, chinese men, and republicans, not much else is new. I desperately await new installments of crazy patron stories, so keep them coming!
No one's offered me a book deal yet, so I'm reasonably sure you're the only one reading this. If someone is, I'm sure they're marveling at what an impressive bra size you have, Dr. Manette!
I can completely relate regarding the political scene. For the first time ever, I'm considering leaving ballot questions blank. The governor's race here is a lesser-of-two-evils thing, and the Cook County Board presidency is worse yet. Can I vote Obama for everything?
More crazy patron stories soon. On my first day back this week (I took Monday off -- gasp!) someone asked me if I was a Christian and if I believe in the Rapture. Argh. I smiled and nodded -- no need to set off some kind of conversion attempt in the library!
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